New Year, New Me

 

 

This time last year I was about 100 months pregnant and suffering from a horrible bout of sciatica.    Honestly, going through labor and giving birth was cake compared to all that.

2012 was a challenge in so many ways.    There was much to adjust to and quite honestly I’m not quite sure I’ve gotten there yet.   But I’m trying. 

We’ve had fun holidays and such but something is just constantly *off*.  I guess  it comes down to the fact that nothing will be the same now that my father is no longer here.    On New Year’s Eve Jen and I recreated a recipe that was brought to us by my mother but last executed by my Dad.    The fact that we could not just call out to him for guidance made me mad. 

Then again – if he were here he’d be making it himself.

Still I am grateful for all I do have.   Great friends, a loving family, wonderful stepkids, an amazing husband, and the happiest little boy ever created.

 

For the four thousandth time I’m heading back to Weigh Watchers.   I’m renewing our gym membership.  I’m armed with a Cooking Light cookbook, a Nike fuel band and new workout clothes.   

Even the guy at the bagel store today is in on it.    I ordered a blueberry bagel with cream cheese for Mora and an onion bagel with butter for myself.

He made me a mini bagel.

Stay tuned and wish me luck as I try to make six people eat the food I used to make for myself when I started this blog.  

A happy and healthy New Year to you all.

 

 

Why I don’t want to be a Mommy Blogger

 Ryan likes bottles and doesn’t care what you think about it.

I started blogging because my sister said she thought I should.   I enjoyed reading blogs and decided to jump in with my own experience and take on a few subjects.  

The first blogs I followed were daily food diaries and while I sometimes am jealous and want to imitate what I see others eating it got old fast.

I had my son when I was 41 years old.   I truly didn’t think it was in the cards for me – or if it was – I’d have to work for it.   I got surprised in more ways than one.

I’ve read about natural childbirth and breastfeeding and what society or more accurately the blog world deems right and appropriate in terms of delivery and nourishing your child.  

And it’s all a bunch of judgmental, snarky bullshit.

When I went to my childbirth class the nurse who ran it said “We teach about pain free childbirth and want to make sure you are ok with that”.

I was.

I was given a choice at that point – to find another class or get on board with that one.

If I were younger maybe I’d try to go all natural.   Maybe I’d have gone to a midwife and not an OBGYN. 

Truth be told I don’t think I’m that kind of person.

I don’t think I’d ever want a doula involved in my birth process.    Dave and I did just fine.   I walked around for 2 days with a broken arm but I don’t think I’d want to experience labor when I know that there is a medication that in most cases takes the pain away.

I was past my due date.   I was at the doctors every other day getting a sonogram every other week it seemed.   I was anxious and jittery.   My doctor said that my blood pressure was elevated and that may or may not have been the case.   All I know is I had an induced labor and an epidural.   I had my son in my arms roughly 24 hours after I entered the hospital and was in labor for about half that.

Just as some make a conscious choice to try a drug free birth I made a conscious choice to have one aided with drugs.   And  I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

I don’t  for one second think this makes me weak or uninformed or ill prepared for motherhood.   I have – dare I say – one of the happiest babies ever.   I breastfed him until it was becoming a real challenge and for my own sanity I  tapered off until he made his preference known.

What I don’t hear many mommy bloggers say is that taking care of themselves is directly related to taking good care of their babies.

I just read one of the most horrific posts ever about how lazy I apparently am for not breastfeeding Ryan until the dawn of the new millennium.   I admit – there would have been a limit to my breastfeeding him had I continued.  Basically if he could speak to me and ask me to nurse him we’d be about done.

But if that’s what some women want to do that’s fantastic.  And if that works for their lifestyle and their child I say more power to them.   However I shouldn’t have to defend my choice to stop breastfeeding and those that do shouldn’t have to defend their choice to do it as long as they want.

When I first started this blog I was telling my experience of losing weight.   I wasn’t an expert but I wanted to share what had worked for me and keep myself accountable.  And yeah there’s a sort of narcissism attached to blogging in general.  You have to have a bit of audacity to think some stranger is interested in what you have to say.

So if I ever write anything vaguely Mommy Blogger–esque it  will be from my perspective as a first time mom and stepmother of 3.  It will be about what personally works for me or things I want to share with the world.    And though I might have an opinion about what others do with their children I won’t be sharing too much of that.

It’s none of my business how you want to raise your child - I mean – c’mon -  I’ll never think you’re a good mother if you abuse your child in any way but short of that you do what you want.   And it’s really no one’s business how I raise mine.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here except it makes me really sad.  

Maybe I’ll start mommy blogging when mommies are actually nice to each other.

Back in the saddle

Four years ago I started to lose weight.  I started at a time when I thought all hope was lost.  I really, truly did not believe I could do it.

But I did.

60 lbs later I felt fantastic.  I exercised often and I enjoyed it.   My closet was no longer a place I loathed but a place I loved.

And then I met Dave and went out a lot and didn’t quite care that I didn’t order the salad anymore. 

And then, my father died.   And I didn’t quite care what I ate.

And then, I got pregnant.

And then I had this guy.

And here we are.

I’m back…again.    I’m starting with just exercising more regularly.   I just re-started the Couch 2 5K.    I feel like I need to start exercising first and then I can focus on eating.   As it is these days I leave a half full plate at meals because someone needs my attention.

I weighed less the few weeks after I had Ryan than I currently do and that’s the thing that makes me most upset about all this.   But just as I felt when I was single – that you can’t complain about not being with someone if you don’t actively try to find them – you can’t lose weight by sitting on your ass and stuffing your face.

So – at the very least – I’m going to get up and stop eating so much.

We’ll see how it goes.

In sickness and in health

We’ve passed a milestone this week.  Ryan’s had his first illness – a mild case of the Coxsackie Virus – which as bad as it has been could have been far, far worse.

   
The contagious nature of the illness had us scrambling a bit for child care – because of course – as someone who works from home quite often I actually needed to be in NYC three days this week.    I brought Ryan out to Long Island on Monday so Jen could watch him.

 

She’s the best aunt ever. :)

I know that daycare is a place where Ryan will likely pick up a number of colds and viruses but ironically he got sick after our vacation.   I blame his new ability to sit in a high chair and his penchant for grabbing things like laminated menus for this illness.

Or it might have been the band of tiny Red Sox fans also vacationing at the resort we were at hugging on him at every opportunity.

Ryan’s mood has been happy – he’s such a happy baby in general that this is no surprise but honestly he’s cranky only when he’s hungry or tired.   He doesn’t really have any ‘moods’ yet.   I’m crossing my fingers tightly that he stays this way.


He never stopped eating and has now tried a new food…strawberry and banana yogurt.

 

My big boy is now almost 21 lbs and nearly 6 months old.   Sick or well, cranky or happy, he’s still one of the very best things that’s ever happened to me.

From Scratch

I am not one of those people who dislikes baking vs cooking or vice versa.  I just like being in the kitchen period.

Typically when I go to someone’s place I bring…something.   A bottle of wine in a pinch (or when I know we’re going to need it), tomato bruschetta to a barbecue,  flowers when the host/hostess declares “Don’t you dare bring anything but yourself”.     Nine times out of ten though – I bring dessert.

My father wasn’t much of a baker but he could take a box of Ghirardelli brownie mix from Costco and make it the best brownie you ever ate.    Sometimes he added extra chips or a squeeze of chocolate syrup but he could really make them sing.

Other than cookies – I rarely make anything completely from scratch.   My cakes might be a bit doctored up and I give brownies the same treatment as my dad once did but I’m very new to the world of scratch cake baking.

I decided on mini cupcakes this time because a) they were for my nieces and they like to eat MULTIPLE cupcakes b) I only have 1 large cupcake tin and I have two mini cupcake tins.    I didn’t feel like babysitting 2 batches of cupcakes.

Note to self – go get some more large cupcake tins.

Don’t tell Dave but I almost married him solely so that I could have a kitchen big enough to own this mixer. :)

 

I decided on vanilla cupcakes.  It was a recipe from allrecipies.com.   I’d link but they were really pretty dry.   Does it count as making something from scratch if next time I add a box of vanilla pudding?   How else can you make moister cupcakes.

Ugh.  Moist.  Jen hates that word.

  Here’s the after.   I made homemade vanilla buttercream and topped with rainbow sprinkles and mini chocolate chips.   The frosting was the best part.

Baking is about as much Science as I want in my life to be honest. 

All and all it was a good experiment.   It didn’t take that much longer than ripping open a box and I won’t deny I like being able to reply yes to the question “You made these from scratch?”

In another life – like a few years down the road – I’d like to open a tiny catering business.     Mini cupcakes would fit right in with what I’m planning.

This is just the first attempt.  I plan to try and improve the recipe in the next few months so stay tuned.